Ok, so, it’s been a little over two weeks since my operation. Things are going really well. The wounds are healing nicely, no dramas there this time, thankfully! I have seen my GP and he is really happy with how things are going, which is great, and I see the surgeon in Canberra in a couple of weeks! I have had no issues with food getting stuck or anything like that at all! I have been able to eat foods that I haven’t been able to eat for 4+ years! Food like weetbix, spaghetti bolognese, chunks of beef, lamb chops, croissant, 2 min noodles, crumpets, sandwiches and much more!
It is so amazing and so liberating to know I don’t have to pre-plan food all the time. I don’t have to worry about where I might be at meal times to make sure there is something I can eat without it turning into a drama of food getting stuck and having to bring it back up again. Last weekend was my Niece’s 3rd birthday and to be able to sit around the table with my family and simply be able to eat what everyone else was eating and join in the fun was so amazing! Food doesn’t have to be in the back of my mind ALL the time anymore!
I don’t know if anyone else will really understand really how big the load is that has been lifted. I don’t know how anyone else could understand it, as they didn’t live with it each day, so I get it if this all sounds a little silly – yes it is odd for someone to be excited about the fact that she ate a sandwich!
As expected, I have put on a little weight. Only a little over a kilo, which I am quite ok with as I was expecting that once I went off the shakes and was eating real food again that some weight would come back on. I also have not been overly strict with myself when it comes to what I have been eating – I’ve been a little too excited about the freedom I now have being able to eat like everyone else to bog myself down too much worrying about calories. That being said I have had a big struggle to keep myself from just going crazy. I haven’t wanted to undo all the hard work I did pre-surgery either. It’s been tough and I’ve had to reign myself in a few times, but it is all a learning experience and is part of me forming new habits towards gaining the life I want going forward. It’s all part of the process.
The hardest part of the recovery has actually been mentally and emotionally. For a good number of days I felt like my emotions were just everywhere. I was up and down like a yo-yo some days. I think part of it was just the anesthetic going through my system [which apparently takes a few months for it to be totally out of your system], but I think the biggest part has been coming down out of the months and months – actually years – of lead up. All the tests and Doctors appointments, finding someone who would help me, wondering if the whole thing was just in my head, then struggling multiple times every day hoping and praying the next mouthful wouldn’t get stuck. Then of course there was all the psychological work I was doing trying to change the way I think about and use food, then there was the weeks of protein shakes only and the nerves that come with waiting and preparing for surgery – OH plus the possible problem with my gall bladder. It has been a LOT to deal with, so now that it is all over [well a lot of it is over] it stands to reason that things would be a little rough emotionally as I adjust to the new reality of my life, right?
None of this is aided by the fact that I have been so tired for the last two weeks. In fact, the last 3 or so days my level of energy has dropped dramatically. I have been utterly exhausted. Yesterday, I woke up at about 8am and was back in bed by 9am and slept for a good few hours. This tiredness and now exhaustion has resulted in terrible concentration. I can’t do puzzles, I can’t read, I can’t do anything for more than 5 mins at a time – including writing this post – it has taken me all day to write in intervals of moments of concentration. I was hoping to be able to be getting back into blogging everyday, reading some books recommended to me by my Psychologist, designing and starting to work with a pretty fab US designer. At this point I’m hoping I can kick myself into gear next week! Here’s hoping! It doesn’t help that sitting up at a desk or table hurts my wounds. Slouching in front of the TV however, does not… hmmm
So that’s where I’m at. That’s what I have been up to. Things are going really well physically, but each day is unpredictable emotionally – oh and did I mention how tired I am? [I think I might have]. I can’t wait for life to go back to normal a bit more, to see some friends, to have visitors and join the human race once more!
I’d like to say thanks again to everyone who has sent good wishes and lovely thoughts via all the different kinds of social media. It have meant a lot! Hugs to you all!